Arrogant Brewing Co.

Evenings trying to forget the crushing mediocrity of one’s life are typically the main driver to late-night breakfast plates at unforgivingly overlit diners stacked with industrialized, frozen-dumped-in-a-fryer “food.” An interlude between sophomoric late-night antics, questionable decisions and inevitable morning regret. That’s not how I play it. For those who know how to grab life by the horns*, however, this bottle pairs even better with accomplishment, life lived out loud, and well-timed moves that often appear as luck to those not paying attention. A specifically designed midnight brunch feast with like-minded folks who not only have their wits about them but actually have wits, and an artfully prepared feast sets the more appropriate stage for this beer. The bottle is worth a special occasion. Create yours to accompany it. *Touch mine, though, and I'll provide you with the deepest possible understanding of the word "regret."

This beer was crafted for those who adore both pain and pleasure (but mostly pain), those who should know better and those who don't know better. It is the result of what many beer enthusiasts would consider a most egregious crime—sequestering Arrogant Bastard Ale, Double Bastard Ale and OAKED Arrogant Bastard Ale in Kentucky bourbon barrels, then blending them together with jalapeño, serrano, and other chile peppers. The result is something unsuitable for the faint of heart, mind or palate. Still confident you can handle this? Very well, but be forewarned: You're playing with fire...be prepared for the consequences.

Warning: Double Bastard Ale is not to be wasted on the tentative or weak. Only the Worthy are invited, and then only at your own risk. If you have even a modicum of hesitation, DO NOT buy this bottle. Instead, leave it for a Worthy soul who has already matriculated to the sublime ecstasy of what those in the know refer to as "Liquid Arrogance." This is one lacerative muther of an ale. It is unequivocally certain that your feeble palate is grossly inadequate and thus undeserving of this liquid glory...and those around you would have little desire to listen to your resultant whimpering. Instead, you slack-jawed gaping gobemouche, slink away to that pedestrian product that lures agog the great unwashed with the shiny happy imagery of its silly broadcast propaganda. You know, the one that offers no challenge, yet works very, very hard to imbue the foolhardy with the absurd notion that they are exercising "independent" thought, or attempts to convey the perception it is in some way "authentic" or "original." It’s that one that makes you feel safe and delectates you into basking in the warm, fuzzy, and befuddled glow of your own nescience. Why so many allow themselves to be led by the nose lacks plausible explanation. Perhaps you have been so lulled by the siren song of ignorance that you don’t even notice your white-knuckle grip on it. You feel bold and unique, but alas are nothing but sheep, willingly being herded to and fro. If you think you are being piqued in this text, it is nothing when compared to the insults we are all asked to swallow streaming forth from our televisions and computers. Truth be told, you are being coddled into believing you are special or unique by ethically challenged “pay no attention to the man behind the curtain” marketers who layer (upon layer) imagined attributes specifically engineered to lead you by the nose. Should you decide to abdicate your ability to make decisions for yourself, then you are perhaps deserving of the pabulum they serve. Double Bastard Ale calls out the garrulous caitiffs who perpetrate the aforementioned atrocities and demands retribution for their outrageously conniving, intentionally misleading, blatantly masturbatory and fallacious ad campaigns. We demand the unmitigated, transparent truth. We demand forthright honesty. We want justice! Call ‘em out and line ‘em up against the wall...NOW.

Much like the lacerative muther of a beer that is Double Bastard Ale, rye whiskey is not for everyone. Most are not emotionally or otherwise equipped to appreciate its unbridled intensity. So to sequester Double Bastard Ale in rye whiskey barrels is to conceive an experience that no doubt will be treasured by only a select few. It takes a special breed of exceptional depth to thrive under such demanding conditions and emerge with such stunning vibrancy. Namely, Double Bastard Ale. Something this sublime should never be squandered, however. Those plagued by even a smidge of self-doubt should look elsewhere. This rare treasure is strictly for those possessing the capacity to appreciate what many will shun. Just like I do.

Although many find only pain in this beer, chile pepper connoisseurs, daredevils and masochists proclaim it a fine, intense and enlightening experience. Never intended for the timid, Punishment is the capsaicin-throttled spawn of the beer behemoth Double Bastard Ale. Months of aging in Kentucky bourbon barrels intensify this beast of a beer's already massive flavors, while the unceremonious addition of chile peppers (jalapeño, serrano, Freshno and more) morphs it into a truly punishing beer.

When Double Bastard Ale spends months sequestered in Kentucky bourbon barrels, a most unique reverse-transmogrification takes place. A once-burly behemoth emerges as a stunningly graceful beast, with its bold, bullish roots lingering just under the surface. This Southernized paragon of liquid glory exudes sophistication, exalted character and uncompromising independence courtesy of American oak. Only the worthiest of imbibers are invited to experience a fleeting yet unforgettable encounter with this rare breed. This is what awaits for those with the eye, heart and inner fortitude to step up to Southern Charred.

For far too long the tyrannical industrialized beer overlords have disgraced and cheapened the noble heritage of the pilsner with their relentless multi-generational downward drive to commercialized homogenization. Over decades, this once vaulted style has been slowly and methodically gutted, bringing forth a soulless and anemic result, all the while spending billions in advertising to convince the unwitting public that their fizzy yellow end result was beer. Well, I will not have it. We are striking back for true craft by stealing the pilsner back from their evil clutches, and restoring it to its almighty glory. They do it cheaply. We do it right. Choose vapidity, or choose righteousness...but whatever you do, choose wisely.